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The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink.
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays.
Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.
Night comes to the desert all at once, as if someone turned off the light.
Joyce Carol Oates
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
W. C. Fields
If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.
A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.
H. L. Mencken
There is nothing so stupid as the educated man if you get him off the thing he was educated in.
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
Films have degenerated to their original operation as carnival amusement - they offer not drama but thrills.
I had pro offers from the Detroit Lions and Green Bay Packers, who were pretty hard up for linemen in those days. If I had gone into professional football the name Jerry Ford might have been a household word today.
Gerald R. Ford
Basketball is like war in that offensive weapons are developed first, and it always takes a while for the defense to catch up.
Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.
James A. Baldwin
Humor distorts nothing, and only false gods are laughed off their earthly pedestals.
People seldom refuse help, if one offers it in the right way.
A. C. Benson
The stoical scheme of supplying our wants by lopping off our desires, is like cutting off our feet when we want shoes.
The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.
Great talents are the most lovely and often the most dangerous fruits on the tree of humanity. They hang upon the most slender twigs that are easily snapped off.
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
Justice consists in doing no injury to men; decency in giving them no offense.
Marcus Tullius Cicero
What the mass media offers is not popular art, but entertainment which is intended to be consumed like food, forgotten, and replaced by a new dish.
W. H. Auden
As human beings, we are endowed with freedom of choice, and we cannot shuffle off our responsibility upon the shoulders of God or nature. We must shoulder it ourselves. It is our responsibility.
Arnold J. Toynbee
The genius of impeachment lay in the fact that it could punish the man without punishing the office.
Arthur M. Schlesinger, Jr.
I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.
The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.
When we got into office, the thing that surprised me most was to find that things were just as bad as we'd been saying they were.
John F. Kennedy
No man can call himself liberal, or radical, or even a conservative advocate of fair play, if his work depends in any way on the unpaid or underpaid labor of women at home, or in the office.
I began wearing hats as a young lawyer because it helped me to establish my professional identity. Before that, whenever I was at a meeting, someone would ask me to get coffee.
You want 21 percent risk free? Pay off your credit cards.
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