Woody Allen Quotes - 9quotes.com

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There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
Written by Woody Allen
Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.
Written by Woody Allen
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
Written by Woody Allen
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
Written by Woody Allen
My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a quaker.
Written by Woody Allen
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
Written by Woody Allen
Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.
Written by Woody Allen
His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.
Written by Woody Allen
I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.
Written by Woody Allen
If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.
Written by Woody Allen
It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
Written by Woody Allen
Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
Written by Woody Allen
Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.
Written by Woody Allen
Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies.
Written by Woody Allen
Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.
Written by Woody Allen
The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.
Written by Woody Allen
I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.
Written by Woody Allen
Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun.
Written by Woody Allen
I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.
Written by Woody Allen
In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.
Written by Woody Allen
I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.
Written by Woody Allen
I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Written by Woody Allen
In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows.
Written by Woody Allen
Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words.
Written by Woody Allen
Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.
Written by Woody Allen
Eighty percent of success is showing up.
Written by Woody Allen
I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Written by Woody Allen
Marriage is the death of hope.
Written by Woody Allen
If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.
Written by Woody Allen
The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't have.
Written by Woody Allen

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