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I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
Written by
Will Rogers
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock.
Written by
Will Rogers
An economist's guess is liable to be as good as anybody else's.
Written by
Will Rogers
It's not what you pay a man, but what he costs you that counts.
Written by
Will Rogers
If you can build a business up big enough, it's respectable.
Written by
Will Rogers
The schools ain't what they used to be and never was.
Written by
Will Rogers
There is nothing so stupid as the educated man if you get him off the thing he was educated in.
Written by
Will Rogers
America is becoming so educated that ignorance will be a novelty. I will belong to the select few.
Written by
Will Rogers
All I know is just what I read in the papers, and that's an alibi for my ignorance.
Written by
Will Rogers
We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.
Written by
Will Rogers
I read about eight newspapers in a day. When I'm in a town with only one newspaper, I read it eight times.
Written by
Will Rogers
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
Written by
Will Rogers
If the other fellow sells cheaper than you, it is called dumping. 'Course, if you sell cheaper than him, that's mass production.
Written by
Will Rogers
In Hollywood you can see things at night that are fast enough to be in the Olympics in the day time.
Written by
Will Rogers
When should a college athlete turn pro? Not until he has earned all he can in college as an amateur.
Written by
Will Rogers
One Ad is worth more to a paper than forty Editorials.
Written by
Will Rogers
One-third of the people in the United States promote, while the other two-thirds provide.
Written by
Will Rogers
Let advertisers spend the same amount of money improving their product that they do on advertising and they wouldn't have to advertise it.
Written by
Will Rogers
What the country needs is dirtier fingernails and cleaner minds.
Written by
Will Rogers
I bet after seeing us, George Washington would sue us for calling him 'father.'
Written by
Will Rogers
The more that learn to read the less learn how to make a living. That's one thing about a little education. It spoils you for actual work. The more you know the more you think somebody owes you a living.
Written by
Will Rogers
Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
Written by
Will Rogers
I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf. I have never been depressed enough to take up the game, but they say you get so sore at yourself you forget to hate your enemies.
Written by
Will Rogers
Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate, now what's going to happen to us with both a House and a Senate?
Written by
Will Rogers
Ohio claims they are due a president as they haven't had one since Taft. Look at the United States, they have not had one since Lincoln.
Written by
Will Rogers
This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.
Written by
Will Rogers
Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.
Written by
Will Rogers
We don't seem to be able to check crime, so why not legalize it and then tax it out of business?
Written by
Will Rogers
There ought to be one day - just one - when there is open season on senators.
Written by
Will Rogers
Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.
Written by
Will Rogers
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