Robert Benchley Quotes - 9quotes.com

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If Mr. Einstein doesn't like the natural laws of the universe, let him go back to where he came from.
Written by Robert Benchley
I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.
Written by Robert Benchley
A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.
Written by Robert Benchley
Tell us your phobias and we will tell you what you are afraid of.
Written by Robert Benchley
For a nation which has an almost evil reputation for bustle, bustle, bustle, and rush, rush, rush, we spend an enormous amount of time standing around in line in front of windows, just waiting.
Written by Robert Benchley
It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.
Written by Robert Benchley
An ardent supporter of the hometown team should go to a game prepared to take offense, no matter what happens.
Written by Robert Benchley
Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony.
Written by Robert Benchley
Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?
Written by Robert Benchley
In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with children.
Written by Robert Benchley
Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.
Written by Robert Benchley
I do most of my work sitting down; that's where I shine.
Written by Robert Benchley
A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.
Written by Robert Benchley
I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death, but then I'm in no hurry.
Written by Robert Benchley
The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him.
Written by Robert Benchley
The biggest obstacle to professional writing is the necessity for changing a typewriter ribbon.
Written by Robert Benchley
The freelance writer is a man who is paid per piece or per word or perhaps.
Written by Robert Benchley
Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that the child cannot do much harm one way or the other.
Written by Robert Benchley
Even nowadays a man can't step up and kill a woman without feeling just a bit unchivalrous.
Written by Robert Benchley
Opera is where a guy gets stabbed in the back, and instead of dying, he sings.
Written by Robert Benchley
A great many people have come up to me and asked how I manage to get so much work done and still keep looking so dissipated.
Written by Robert Benchley
Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed be doing at that moment.
Written by Robert Benchley
I have been told by hospital authorities that more copies of my works are left behind by departing patients than those of any other author.
Written by Robert Benchley
Other men wear white suits in summer and it doesn't seem to bother them. But my white suit seems to be a little whiter than theirs. I think also that it may have something written on the back of it, although I can't find it when I take the suit off.
Written by Robert Benchley
Great literature must spring from an upheaval in the author's soul. If that upheaval is not present then it must come from the works of any other author which happens to be handy and easily adapted.
Written by Robert Benchley
We are constantly being surprised that people did things well before we were born.
Written by Robert Benchley
There seems to be no lengths to which humorless people will not go to analyze humor. It seems to worry them.
Written by Robert Benchley
A real hangover is nothing to try out family remedies on. The only cure for a real hangover is death.
Written by Robert Benchley
In a house where there are small children the bathroom soon takes on the appearance of the Old Curiosity Shop.
Written by Robert Benchley
After an author has been dead for some time, it becomes increasingly difficult for his publishers to get a new book out of him each year.
Written by Robert Benchley

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