Jay London Quotes - 9quotes.com

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I saw a stationery store move.
Written by Jay London
Do you know it was a year a ago today?
Written by Jay London
A window of opportunity for me usually involves a rock.
Written by Jay London
It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes.
Written by Jay London
I model irregular clothing.
Written by Jay London
You know what burns me? Matches.
Written by Jay London
I'm convinced my cockroaches have military training, I set off a roach bomb - they diffused it.
Written by Jay London
My boss told me to get my butt in gear. I told him I was shiftless.
Written by Jay London
They asked me what I thought about euthanasia. I said I'm more concerned about the adults.
Written by Jay London
My girlfriend has crabs, I bought her fishnet stockings.
Written by Jay London
I was lonely driving here tonight so I hugged the road.
Written by Jay London
I went to a urologist - he told me I could go at any time.
Written by Jay London
Does anybody know what I'm doing up here?
Written by Jay London
At Motel 6 in Amish Country I wonder if they leave the light on for you?
Written by Jay London
I was born nine months premature.
Written by Jay London
I wanted to join the Army the sign said 'Be All That You Can Be', they told me it wasn't enough.
Written by Jay London
A guy gave me a job at an information booth - no questions asked.
Written by Jay London
I told my therapist I was having nightmares about nuclear explosions. He said don't worry it's not the end of the world.
Written by Jay London
My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings.
Written by Jay London
I don't need to worry about identity theft because no one wants to be me.
Written by Jay London
People read me but they don't subscribe.
Written by Jay London
I once dated a weather girl, we talked up a storm.
Written by Jay London
I was going to buy a book on hair loss, but the pages kept falling out.
Written by Jay London
I went to a record store and asked for 50 cent. They kicked me out for pan-handling.
Written by Jay London
I went to the doctor and he said I had acute appendicitis, and I said compared to who?
Written by Jay London
I wanted to take up music, so my father bought me a blunt instrument. He told me to knock myself out.
Written by Jay London
After all these years I had the privilege of naming my private part, cause we have nicknames. So I named my private part pride... it's not much but at least I have my pride.
Written by Jay London
My whole family is lactose intolerant and when we take pictures we can't say cheese.
Written by Jay London
I went to the store and bought lady fingers, when I got home I noticed one of the fingers was missing so I went back to the store and the manager was nice enough to give me the finger.
Written by Jay London
My girlfriend bought me a down jacket, she said it fit my personality.
Written by Jay London

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