Jackie Mason Quotes - 9quotes.com

It is more profitable for your congressman to support the tobacco industry than your life.
Written by Jackie Mason
It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like.
Written by Jackie Mason
I have enough money to last me the rest of my life unless I buy something.
Written by Jackie Mason
Did you ever hear of a kid playing accountant - even if they wanted to be one?
Written by Jackie Mason
Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
Written by Jackie Mason
If an Englishman gets run down by a truck he apologizes to the truck.
Written by Jackie Mason
Predictions are preposterous.
Written by Jackie Mason
I can't predict the future and I don't have respect for people who try to.
Written by Jackie Mason
I've been watching politics for 35 or 40 years and you just never know. You can have one person win the Iowa caucus and then the whole picture changes ten minutes later. The same thing can happen again after New Hampshire. I have no idea what's going to happen with our country in the future.
Written by Jackie Mason
My material is as new as anything on the dinner table. What difference does it make if I'm 70 or if I'm 20? The audience knows they aren't getting any old stories from me.
Written by Jackie Mason
I don't believe that anybody has come to a conclusion on why something is funny. It's funny because it's ridiculous and it's ridiculous for different reasons at different times.
Written by Jackie Mason
I can't pretend that I'm a great student of the art of comedy because anybody that becomes philosophical about humour doesn't know what he's talking about.
Written by Jackie Mason
My comedy doesn't come from any calculations and studies.
Written by Jackie Mason
I have nothing but love in my heart and everything I say is just an instrument for laughs.
Written by Jackie Mason

Join our feeds to automatically receive the latest headlines, news, and information formatted for your club's website or news reader.

Social connect: