Dave Barry Quotes - 9quotes.com

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The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.
Written by Dave Barry
Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.
Written by Dave Barry
If you have a big enough dictionary, just about everything is a word.
Written by Dave Barry
Magnetism, as you recall from physics class, is a powerful force that causes certain items to be attracted to refrigerators.
Written by Dave Barry
The Sixties are now considered a historical period, just like the Roman Empire.
Written by Dave Barry
Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.
Written by Dave Barry
The ultimate camping trip was the Lewis and Clark expedition.
Written by Dave Barry
The nuclear generator of brain sludge is television.
Written by Dave Barry
Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.
Written by Dave Barry
The information encoded in your DNA determines your unique biological characteristics, such as sex, eye color, age and Social Security number.
Written by Dave Barry
The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice.
Written by Dave Barry
Bill Gates is a very rich man today... and do you want to know why? The answer is one word: versions.
Written by Dave Barry
The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.
Written by Dave Barry
The Internet: transforming society and shaping the future through chat.
Written by Dave Barry
And so by the fifteenth century, on October 8, the Europeans were looking for a new place to try to get to, and they came up with a new concept: the West.
Written by Dave Barry
The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant thumbs.
Written by Dave Barry
I want a pit crew... I hate the procedure I currently have to go through when I have car problems.
Written by Dave Barry
Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with people who do not feel that regular skiing is lethal enough.
Written by Dave Barry
Skiers view snowboarders as a menace; snowboarders view skiers as Elmer Fudd.
Written by Dave Barry
Eugene is located in western Oregon, approximately 278 billion miles from anything.
Written by Dave Barry
Newspaper readership is declining like crazy. In fact, there's a good chance that nobody is reading my column.
Written by Dave Barry
We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics; this is how we stay objective.
Written by Dave Barry
My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible.
Written by Dave Barry
Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles per hour upside down.
Written by Dave Barry
Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting.
Written by Dave Barry
To better understand why you need a personal computer, let's take a look at the pathetic mess you call your life.
Written by Dave Barry
Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who remembers when there was no Velcro.
Written by Dave Barry
The real threat to whales is whaling, which has endangered many whale species.
Written by Dave Barry
Geographically, Ireland is a medium-sized rural island that is slowly but steadily being consumed by sheep.
Written by Dave Barry
We idolized the Beatles, except for those of us who idolized the Rolling Stones, who in those days still had many of their original teeth.
Written by Dave Barry

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